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The never ending cycle....
Oct. 31st, 2016 04:01 pmFor how many years has it been since everything started to crumble? for the foundation of my love to easily shatter into nothingness? for our relationship to turn into dust? Cause I can't remember anymore, i stopped counting, stop hopping that one day everything would just change.
I've cried a lot of times, leaving me with the feel of numbness and disappointments. I had forgotten to trust you, i had forgotten how to love you, i had forgotten how to be the person who i was back then.
You often blame the people that is around me for changing the person who I was but ironically, you can't even see just how much have you've done to make me like this. I've rebelled a lot of times and yet all you did was preach without asking me why i did it? or should i say, you did ask but never listened.
I am nothing but a doll whose alive. A doll that you can dress up and be taught who i should be but i'm getting tired of that. I always hide the hurt that I'm feeling even though its too much. In front of strangers and so called friends, I smile and act as if i'm the happiest but i'm not.
The friends that I trust knows half the truth cause i'm afraid of trusting anyone. Who wouldn't when the very person who should have known you destroyed that. The fear of trusting and being yourself in front of people became my defensive mechanism.
And along the way, I've lost the real me, I've forgotten the me from before and the me who should have been. I lost the things that should have been completed by me.
For how many times had i turned away from life? only to be brought back by my very will and yet here I am a broken glass.I have those people who i idolize in order to escape reality even for a minute and yet it's still not enough. The pain still lingers, still hurting and still breaking my very soul.
I may be suicidal at times but the thought of dying makes me feel alive at times even if i never continue to kill myself. Cause the feeling of hopefulness is there but once it's gone there's nothing left.
I had looked for artificial love and yet it's still not enough. It makes me wonder how stupid and idiotic i can be to destroy myself even more so than how dreadful I am.
Truth be told, i'm sure that a lot of people knows how i feel but i don't need pity, I just want love. A love that I can never find and if i did, i might be blind and aloof by then.
I've cried a lot of times, leaving me with the feel of numbness and disappointments. I had forgotten to trust you, i had forgotten how to love you, i had forgotten how to be the person who i was back then.
You often blame the people that is around me for changing the person who I was but ironically, you can't even see just how much have you've done to make me like this. I've rebelled a lot of times and yet all you did was preach without asking me why i did it? or should i say, you did ask but never listened.
I am nothing but a doll whose alive. A doll that you can dress up and be taught who i should be but i'm getting tired of that. I always hide the hurt that I'm feeling even though its too much. In front of strangers and so called friends, I smile and act as if i'm the happiest but i'm not.
The friends that I trust knows half the truth cause i'm afraid of trusting anyone. Who wouldn't when the very person who should have known you destroyed that. The fear of trusting and being yourself in front of people became my defensive mechanism.
And along the way, I've lost the real me, I've forgotten the me from before and the me who should have been. I lost the things that should have been completed by me.
For how many times had i turned away from life? only to be brought back by my very will and yet here I am a broken glass.I have those people who i idolize in order to escape reality even for a minute and yet it's still not enough. The pain still lingers, still hurting and still breaking my very soul.
I may be suicidal at times but the thought of dying makes me feel alive at times even if i never continue to kill myself. Cause the feeling of hopefulness is there but once it's gone there's nothing left.
I had looked for artificial love and yet it's still not enough. It makes me wonder how stupid and idiotic i can be to destroy myself even more so than how dreadful I am.
Truth be told, i'm sure that a lot of people knows how i feel but i don't need pity, I just want love. A love that I can never find and if i did, i might be blind and aloof by then.
